Devouring the Big Milk Chocolate on my Birthday...

Munching on a biiiig bar of milk chocolate, on my birthday, which falls today as per Malayalam calendar based on star, I was contemplating on the real bits of chocolates that hav sweetened my life.

Birthdays are the days when we think of the bygone year. When I retrace my mind to the  year that went by, I find many beautiful moments, so sweet that I wish they lingered a bit more. What if those moments did not end...

Last year, of my many years of life that has passed, was indeed a beautiful one...So sweet like a sugar candy... Remembering all the exotic moments I enjoyed in the gone year....

Thanking the Almighty for bringing me good times gift wrapped for the last birthday...Wish dat all my years ahead are much more wonderful...

How much do u owe...

Today was a day which made me fall low in spirits. Nothing happened today. Quite nothing. And that's d problem with today. Same routine. Nothing even to think about...with lot more days to go this way, i found this monotonous routine frustrating...today more than any other day...

It was den, in d middle of d noon, as I was brooding over my Sheldon, as der was no adventures in d bait, I got a call...frm a veery old frnd...We used to talk almost evryday almost five yrs back...and used to go window shopping nd host get together. But for quite a long time I had not heard frm her.

She came to know of my leg from a frnd and thus gave me a call...In a time of half an hour I was revitalized...She evn came home after that and we had a very nice time together...

I was sure I am going to brood over my desperation the whole day and nothing was going to pull my spirits up. But even a half an hour chat with a frnd was enuff to enliven me again...How less is dat...isn't it...

Even a kind smile...or a sweet song, an unexpected gift...all can change our mood...and how much do we owe them...who change the world for us...

We can only wish from others, but not demand...

There are many things whch we would die for othrs to do for u. But be it ur own blood, many things must come out of heart than by persuasion. Else the feeling will loose it's lustre.

We may want our son to give us a huge hug and say 'mommy u r d best', before he go to school, we wish our husband to give an unexpected gift for our birthday, we may evn expect our best frnd to give us a call, when we are going through a phase of desperation. But do we get any of these when needed?

It is easy to persuade each of dem to do so. And as the world we live in, is moving to fast  to let each of dem take their time to reciprocate their feelings, it is better to be a bit selfish and demand what u need. But when it comes involuntarily from their hearts...life is more beautiful.

At times, even with the best of efforts frm our side, we needn't get the expected gestures frm those we love. Though Bhagvat Gita says ' Do ur Karma without expecting any result', it is quite an ideal concept. I think most of us always wish dearly if our love gestures are reciprocated.

Following a dream...

I am on a month's leave from office due to leg fracture. Some of d staff frm my office came to visit me so as to enquire on  my present situation. I was pleasant nd we went on with d chit-chat until one of dem made a sarcastic comment specifying d fact that my boss didn't really appreciate my taking leave for this long. She went on to reflect dat he evn suggested dat I am not skilled enuff to handle the pressures of the post I am assigned to. Though it was a vague representation and though I did not seem to care much about it, it did hurt me in the back of my mind...Bcoz with all that I hav learned, I used to always feel that I am overqualified for my post and considered myself outstanding. May be as I am new to this office, and was here only for 4 days, he did not know much about me... that's y... I told myself. Yet my ego was hurt...After a lot of chat they left, and I forgot d whole thing and went on to watch movies and songs on tv.
The day went as usual and der wer many happy things to it dat I forgot evn abt the visit of my coworkers.
At the end of the day... after many bedtime stories nd lullabies, putting my son to bed, I closed my eyes to sleep...Many beautiful things about this day came gushing to my mind: the frnd who sent me gifts, the payasam amma prepared for me, the way my son wrote my name for the first time in his slate, without any mistakes, the sweet movie I saw; yet never this.
But night blessed me with a strange dream. It was a new office whr i was sitting in the dream. All the coworkers were new to me. It was my first day there. I was ushered to my seat by a co-worker. He behaved strangely. Bcoz he didn't ask me anything - as to who I am, or whr I worked before, but behaved indifferent to me. I thot this may b d way here nd didn't bother to care. After I sat der for a few minutes and as no one came to introduce themselves to me I got bored and decided to take a stroll around. When I came back after some time, I saw that my seat was occupied and two people sat on two chairs behind my table. Nobody evn seemed to bother me and was busy working. I felt a pang on my heart and I asked dem . " Excuse me, Dats my seat, I am d new person assigned to this seat ". Dey dint evn bother to look up and shouted their designation aloud. One of dem pointed his finger to the boss. I went to the boss's cabin and sat down. I told him d problem. He said he did not know me. I was shocked and onc I started to open my mouth to argue, I woke up...I sat upright in d bed. It was a strange dream...
I surmise that whatever unpleasent that bothers you, and whatever significant happening noted by ur heart are pushed to the inner consciousness, whch even though your mind forgets, is pushed to the surface and floats over our mind in the dreams.
I am not a good interpreter of dreams, but I wished with all my heart if I cud get the help of Freud to sort out wht bothers my mind.

What I Learned Today...

                        Every day is a new beginning. A reservoir of new possibilities...
                        I had never known dem until I was down with a fracture on my leg...Unable to walk..Restricted to a single room...Dat gave me a lot of time to contemplate...on the days I spent simply working my heart out at office...
                         Now I realize...each moment is special...each has immense possibilities...each is lively and brimming with energy...I had no time to look into myself...To wht I am really in the Inside...Thank God...U gave me a break...which opened my eyes...
                           I can see a huge world in front of me...even though my view is restricted to a window-full...God's plans for us r wonderful...Dis is my realisation Today...

The Fifth Mountain

                       I was reading 'The Fifth Mountain' by Paulo Coelho...The gist of wht the writer intends to say really struck me...
                        He says ' Every Human being at some time had tragedy enter his life...At that moment, God challenged one to confront Him and to answer His qstn : "Why dost thou cling fast to an existence so short and so filled with suffering? What is the meaning of thy struggle?"
                          The man who did not know how to answer this question would resign himself, while another, who sought a meaning to existence, feeling that God had been unjust, would challenge his own destiny. It was at this moment that fire of a different type descended frm the heavens -- not the fire that kills, but the kind that tears down ancient walls and imparts to each human being his true possibilities.
                             Cowards never allow their hearts to blaze with this fire; all they desire is for the changed situation to quickly return to wht it was before, so that they can go on living their lives and thinking in their customary way. 
                              The brave, however, set afire tht whch was old and, evn at the cost of great internal suffering, abandon everything, including God, and continue onwards.

The brave are always stubborn.

                                From heaven, God smiles contentedly, for it was tht He desired,tht each person take into his hands the responsibility for his own life. For, in the final analysis, He had given His children the greatest of all gifts: the capacity to choose and determine their acts.
                                Only those men and women with the sacred flame in their hearts had the courage to confront Him. And they alone knew the path back to His love, for they understood tht tragedy was not punishment but challenge.

In a nutshell " Sometimes it was necessary to struggle with God".